think positively, think positively

Today is a little tough for me. Weight is not "falling off" and I'm just sick of being.... not myself. Corey has taken off with his running plan and I'm very proud of him and happy for him, but frustrated that I am such an invalid in comparison. I always knew that if he started running, he'd be better than me. That I think I can live with, but the fact that I am so far behind is what bothers me. I would have been so much more positive about his success if I were my former self, coming off a marathon and running many miles on a regular basis. Progress is slow and I can't help thinking of being sidelined again in March. This crap really is going to consume my life for a year. I may forego the nipple reconstruction, so maybe just 7 months.

On that note, saw E last night after her final implant surgery. She looked wiped out and was in some pain. She said her expanders had started to separate and so he had to stitch her up on the inside to keep the implants closer together, ouch. She did say however that this pain was nothing compared to last time, thank God. I am nervous, already. I hate to go through this again, to be completely useless for a week and then the physical restrictions for another 3 weeks and no running yet again for 8 weeks.

I'm just a negative nancy today I guess. I had no idea how much my self esteem would suffer. Although I really don't care about what my boobs look like, this ordeal has changed me. I know today is just a bad day and have to remember that. Maybe tomorrow will be better... I'll try and run again this weekend, like 4 miles. Maybe that will help perk me up.

Sending E some positive thoughts. She's through the bad stuff now.