Countdown

So, the countdown begins. Two weeks two days. I keep thinking of the old 'Newlywed Game" where he'd always go "we'll be back in two and two". Weird memory. Back when they talked about making whoopie all the time!

Anyway. I think I'm set and ready. Hopefully, that really means set and ready, and not deep in denial about what is actually about to take place. I think I've done my reality checks. I think I'm at peace with it. It's like climbing to the top of the high dive and realizing you have no choice but to jump in, scared shitless or not. I have no choice. This is going to happen. And when it does, it will be ok. Scary, but ok.

I feel fortunate as I hear of more and more experiences with cancer that I am able to make this decision before anything more dramatic has to happen. That I don't have to consider chemo, radiation, hormone therapy. That I can pretty much say "I will not in this lifetime get breast cancer". I am grateful that this has happened to me after I was able to feed my babies and after I felt a connection to my breasts as a cosmetic aspect. I am thankful my husband is so supportive and that honestly, I don't think he will look at me any differently. As he always says "I'm not a boob guy :)"

So, here we go. Plans are made. I have no idea what I'm in for, so trying not to overthink what my recovery will be like. Just take it for what it is and one day, be it in 2 weeks or 6 months, or longer, I will feel better.

It's everywhere...

Just found out today another friend of mine has breast cancer. WTF? Do you turn 40 and get it? I am seriously surprised by the numbers. My neighbor, across the street has it. Double mastectomy a month ago. Same plastic surgeon as mine. Her surgeon and mine are partners. Her surgeon is the same as my friend mentioned above. This is all a little too weird to me. And sad.

Barbie doesn't have nipples

Something to think about...

My daughter's Tinkerbell outfit fell off today and as I was trying to re-fasten the tiny Velcro, I noticed something I never would have noticed before. She has no nipples. Her plastic, perfectly shaped body with perfectly shaped and proportioned breasts had no nipples. Got me thinking. About Barbie and any of her friends. They don't have them. And maybe, just maybe I don't need them either

Notification Protocol

I am at a loss about how to do this or who needs to know. Is this a big enough deal to announce to friends and family? Does it warrant a phone call? Or is it simply something that may come up in conversation at a later time, like "Hey, did you know I got new boobs?" It's a weird spot to be in. There are people whom I want to know. For that matter, I don't care who knows, but not ok with making a blanket announcement, like you do when you're having a baby. Some may not care to know, or may think of it as a sympathy ploy. It is so not. I just think about my dearest friends and those I would want to know about if something big was happening in their lives. Some of these people were the closest to me, at one time, even if they're not so much now. So, I started an email. To one friend who I don't talk to all that often, but someone I've kept in touch more consistently with than others. I emailed her. That in itself sounds so inappropriate, but in part, isn't that the world we live in? I also am tired of talking about it, of explaining it and didn't want to call her just for this. "So, um, hi, how are you? I'm getting new boobs." If I call for that reason, it's like a big announcement, like I expect some reaction in return. If I email, it's a gentle "hey, thought you might want to know" kind of thing without a lot of hoopla. That way, she can process it any way she'd like without worrying about the correct response. Anyway, it goes something like this:

Hey there. How are things? I know this kind of warrants a phone call, but you know how it is... Plus, I'm kind of tired of talking about it, at least for now, but thought you'd want to know. I certainly would want to know about anything going on with you. So, after that build up, I've made it a bigger deal than it is. Here goes... I'm getting a double mastectomy w/reconstruction November 11th. Crazy huh? It's not even cancer... yet. I have LCIS (aka: cancer stage 0). Been through multiple tests and am just tired of it. The LCIS plus strong family history puts me at a high risk and I just don't think I can take any more tests. I'm really ok with it and worry about immediate recovery more than anything. Well that, and the fact that I won't have any feeling in my breasts. I worry about not being able to pick up and hold Casey for 4-6 weeks. 6 weeks. That's the recovery time. I have chosen however to focus on 2 weeks. 2 weeks until I'm up and about and feeling closer to normal, a much slower more cautious normal. My wonderful mother-in-law is coming out to stay the 2nd week.


Well, that's it. See, I'm done talking about it already. Other than this, we are great. Kids are great, Corey is great, and work is great. And this isn't so bad either. A minor hiccup. I should be back to normal by Christmas, which was my goal. Anyway, that's it for now. Thinking about you and hoping school and everything else is going well. Talk to you soon!! Love you! Beth

A gentler approach, don't you think?