short and sweet

Back from nip attachment. All went well. Dr. B said he'd take as much as possible from the extra skin I have. I am just hoping I won't have to hoist my underwear over the flaps like an old man anymore.

A little sore and bit of a headache, but overall feel really good. I just had IV sedatives which made a huge difference in how I felt coming out of it. Feeling loopy but I can function.

More later, just glad this is over.

loopy

I almost made it to work today. Emailed the boss last night and told him to expect me to come in today. I got up, showered, dressed and made up my face. I then got an email from the boss telling me to stay home, to which I replied, no, I'm coming in. I sat there and pondered staying home and although I really wanted to get back to life, I realized how loopy I still feel. I've been off percocet a couple of days, but I suppose the anesthesia is still hanging around. Oh well, I'm sitting here enjoying my downtime with my tiny Trixie on my shoulders like a scarf.

I have a hard time not being productive, so I do hope to catch up on a couple of things around the house and I'm sure I'll fit in a movie.

friends no more....

I am breaking up with Percocet. Where it used to benefit me, now only provides days of nausea and exhaustion. I am only taking it at night lately, but the effects seem to carry on well into the next day and it's wearing on me. I wanted so badly to be alert and halfway capable today so my sweet husband could watch one football game. It's one of only things besides family that means a lot to him. He cleaned the whole house this morning and then as football time neared, my eyes grew heavy and the nausea creeped in. I ended up in bed for three hours, right during the game. I told him to throw Casey in the bed with me and a movie, but he kept her entertained downstairs. I'm feeling more alive now, at 4:30, and am planning on no percocet tonight. I really want to get back to work tomorrow. Only cause I'm hourly, not cause I'm dying to work again, (or in my case sit there and wait for the phone to ring).

Anyway, there just seems to be no way to hurry recovery. And this flippin bra itches and leaves lines in my skin. Can't wait to get it off!

On another note, I think I like the new look. Even bruised and swollen and lopsided, the look is much better on me. No more grapefruits attached to the front of my ribs. I'm excited to see the look as they settle in.

So, no more percocet but I'm hoping valium and I can still get along.

backward progress

So, after a relatively easy day yesterday, I neglected to remember that it gets worse. It gets worse after all the crap they pump into you during surgery wears off. I woke at 5:30am with pains that I couldn't re-adjust myself out of. sucks. Now I sit here dizzy trying to get kids ready for school. Back to bed as soon as they're gone.

Unveiling today at 3:00. They definitely seem smaller, and higher. I think I'm going to like them. Hell, it doesn't matter if I do. I'm sticking with it and totally trust Dr. B.

Hoping things get better again tomorrow. Taking it day by day as far as what I'm able to do.

new boobies and a fix

I am back from my 3rd surgery (mastectomy, implants, and now implant revision). This had better be it! The doc had to put in an incredibly painful stitches to create what should have been a the mammary fold. I also got smaller implants by 25ccs. Not much, but I think just enough. Yesterday sucked. I can't even explain how much yesterday sucked. Corey and Casey were back in the recovery room with me and I was crying in pain. They had to send Casey out so as to not upset her. It felt like someone was simultaneously ripping and burning the skin beneath the breasts. OW! On top of it all I was nauseous, I guess from the anesthesia. This had never happened before and it took me by surprise. I went to bed pretty early and today is better.

After yesterday, I had serious doubts about how today would be. It's not so bad. I took a nap, watched a movie, messed around online, you know, the usual. It's been nice. Hoping to make it back to work Monday. We seriously need the money. Casey has some playdates lined up the rest of the week, so I have a few more days to recover.

I'm hoping these 4 weeks go by quickly. Poor Corey, running around like crazy after work trying to take care of everything. He's doing a great job. I'm not worrying about the house. Things will settle down and get back to normal.

I can tell the boobs are smaller and seem so high. They had slipped some so I suppose they're just back in place now.

I've got some TV to watch before the family gets home :)

not telling

Surgery is in 2 weeks, exactly. Can't believe I'm actually having to say "surgery" again. I'm ready, as always. I'm getting so used to this. In trying to explain to people what's going on, I will from now on only explain the stitch to lift my boobies. People don't get the whole changing out of the implants thing. I don't want to sound vain. It's just that this window of opportunity has been opened and I'm taking it while I can. I am unhappy in so many ways (subtly) lately, and this is one. Maybe if I can fix this one, others will follow. I want to be done with this crap, but more than that, I want to be happy with the outcome. It's bad enough losing real breasts, so the replacements should be likeable.

f*ck me

Here we go again. I noticed my breasts slipping down, just a bit. My scar that was more or less centered is creeping upward. I went in to see my PS and turns out I need some crazy quill suture to repair something called the IMF. Can't remember what it stands for, so I just remember it as I M Fucked. The PS had no qualms telling me that this procedure "sucks and hurts a lot because we really need to adhere the skin to the chest wall". Nice. So, here I was ready for a 2-3 day recovery for some nice nipples and I get this. I asked the PA what recovery was like. I always want to know when I can run again, care for my kids, keep house and return to work. I was thinking about a week. One really painful week. Turns out I may be on narcotics for up to THREE weeks. Are you kidding me?

I had been thinking about getting smaller implants cause they were just a tad big for my personality. Then I made peace with them and was just ready to get on with my life. Now that his is thrown at me, I think I'll take another week recovery on top of the three, and go for new implants. So, four weeks again with restrictions and three weeks of pain. Can't wait.

I really can't believe I'm going through this shit again. There is no way around it. Dylan asked why I was so upset and I explained that I had to have surgery again, to which he replied with a worry in his tone "Do you have to mama?" I assured him it was going to be alright, even though I certainly don't feel that way. I have been waiting to get my life back for 10 months now. I have signed up for the Denver half marathon in October which I will most assuredly be walk/running. I'm ok with it I guess, just not what I had planned.

I guess I'll get my life back in 2011.