short and sweet

Back from nip attachment. All went well. Dr. B said he'd take as much as possible from the extra skin I have. I am just hoping I won't have to hoist my underwear over the flaps like an old man anymore.

A little sore and bit of a headache, but overall feel really good. I just had IV sedatives which made a huge difference in how I felt coming out of it. Feeling loopy but I can function.

More later, just glad this is over.

f*ck me

Here we go again. I noticed my breasts slipping down, just a bit. My scar that was more or less centered is creeping upward. I went in to see my PS and turns out I need some crazy quill suture to repair something called the IMF. Can't remember what it stands for, so I just remember it as I M Fucked. The PS had no qualms telling me that this procedure "sucks and hurts a lot because we really need to adhere the skin to the chest wall". Nice. So, here I was ready for a 2-3 day recovery for some nice nipples and I get this. I asked the PA what recovery was like. I always want to know when I can run again, care for my kids, keep house and return to work. I was thinking about a week. One really painful week. Turns out I may be on narcotics for up to THREE weeks. Are you kidding me?

I had been thinking about getting smaller implants cause they were just a tad big for my personality. Then I made peace with them and was just ready to get on with my life. Now that his is thrown at me, I think I'll take another week recovery on top of the three, and go for new implants. So, four weeks again with restrictions and three weeks of pain. Can't wait.

I really can't believe I'm going through this shit again. There is no way around it. Dylan asked why I was so upset and I explained that I had to have surgery again, to which he replied with a worry in his tone "Do you have to mama?" I assured him it was going to be alright, even though I certainly don't feel that way. I have been waiting to get my life back for 10 months now. I have signed up for the Denver half marathon in October which I will most assuredly be walk/running. I'm ok with it I guess, just not what I had planned.

I guess I'll get my life back in 2011.

recovery the 2nd time around

Well, this is much much better than I expected. Surgery went well. I came home that afternoon to two kids who were all over me. I didn't go straight to bed like last time, I read them a couple of books in my drugged stupor, then took a nap. I made it back out to spend a little family time, then back to bed.

I woke up yesterday feeling pretty ok and looking forward to a quiet day of laying around and recovering, and what a bonus that I didn't feel like absolute hell. I came downstairs to my husband about in tears saying "we've got a problem". He threw his back out and couldn't move. What?? On my day to lay around and recover? I sucked it up and did what I could to pack lunches, fix breakfast, and help get the kids ready for school all the while hoping Corey was going to make it to work and take Casey to school. He was able to do so, but turns out he was in worse pain than me.

Anyway, just a couple of percocet yesterday. Sat around a lot which was heavenly and included a nap. After Dylan got home, we went for a nice walk through the neighborhood. It was so nice out finally and I enjoyed some one on one time with him. I had some pretty scary muscle spasms as I went to bed. I guess I started shivering just a bit and my muscles took over. I totally was not in control of my body. I took a valium and was finally able to lie still.

So, pretty uneventful. I go to the PS today and can't wait to see how they look! Looks like I've got 350ccs and 325ccs. They seem wide and flat, but I guess that's to be expected since the expanders were so damn pointy! They're also squashed by foam and a bra, so it will be interesting. A little sore from probably overdoing it yesterday, but definitely not classified as pain - yippee!

It's not cancer, but...

I have been dealing with a family history of breast cancer and what that means to me for a very long time now. I somehow knew something would happen, and it did. I have been diagnosed with LCIS. Lobular carcinoma in situ. Of course the first time the doctor called and told me what they found through my oh so uncomfortable core needle biopsy, all I heard was carcinoma. Turns out LCIS is merely a cancer indicator or cancer stage 0, as some would call it. Not a concern in itself. However, given my family history, and the fact that a later surgical biopsy found the LCIS has saturated the entire area, causes more concern, or so my surgeon states. I now have the daunting task of deciding future treatment for myself. At this point I think my options are prophylactic bi-lateral mastectomy with reconstructive surgery and a wait and see approach. Wait and see approach means MRIs, ultrasounds, mammograms and possible future biopsies. In my opinion, seems like a whole lot of waiting and searching for the inevitable cancer.