Real

This is getting too real now. I know I will be ok, I know things will be fine. But this is big. I've been in planning mode, like making a project out of this... what to get done before the big day, who will watch the kids, when can I run again, when I'll be back at work. I have dates for all of these milestones even though the sane me knows that's not possible. I am a bit of a control freak and I am either putting dates on things because that's what I do, or I'm doing it so I don't have to deal with the reality of what's happening. I can't even say it. I'm starting to cry a little, every day. Trying to deal with the reality of this, but it's just too hard. I'm better at planning and not at facing it. I guess I'm afraid I'm not strong enough, that I'll come through this fine, physically, but that emotionally this may break me.