Content. That's the only word I really have for now. Not extremely happy, but not sad and miserable. Maybe I need a word just a little off the mark of content on the negative side. I'm not calm and at peace, but rather just "here". I can finally say that next month I will have my final implants. I am actually looking forward to surgery and keep telling my baby girl about us being able to watch movies in my bed.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't stop and look at these things in the mirror. So unbelievably weird, and yet, I am used to their presence. I am used to the squarish bulges with scars through the middle. I can't feel anything, but it doesn't bother me like I thought it would. It's not a sad numb, just a numb. Corey pokes at them and we laugh as he asks "did you feel that?" He always ends these escapades with a hug and the reassurance that this will all be over soon and how much he loves me. We laugh at how strange these hard lumps feel on him when we hug.
Just counting down now but not dwelling on it. I've moved on with my life, almost as if nothing ever happened and for that I am thankful. This really will just be a blip on the radar.
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