Hope

Through this whole ordeal, I keep waiting for the "end". There are some days I am so used to these imposters, that I wonder if I'm dealing with this on a real level. It's been a long time since I cried about this, or felt sorry for myself, really sorry for myself. I guess that's a good thing, right? I hope it's acceptance. Even with acceptance, if that's what it is, I keep holding my breath waiting for the end. Waiting for what will be mine for the long haul. E has finished her implant surgery and I now have hope for the end to come. Not only that it will finally be here, that I won't have bricks tied to my ribs, but that I'll feel good and look good. E looks amazing! She's only 5 days post surgery and is already off the pain meds, reaching up and looking hot. She says they're lighter, and softer and comfortable. It's so much a relief that you'd think it was me who just had the surgery. Unfortunately, it isn't. 2 months and 1 week left. March 16th.

I am doing better with sleeping. It still hurts to turn, but my turning ratio is better and the pain is not as intense. It's moving from pain to uncomfortable. Running isn't bothering me either, at least in the chest area. How out of shape I am is another story. I feel slow progress and keep pushing for March and am so excited to know that recovery really will be one week, not 8 plus. I know I can't run, but at least I'll feel well enough to do other activities and even just the day to day stuff.

On a sad note, my other friend who had a mastectomy in November (I swear I know more people having mastectomies than the flu) has just learned she needs chemo. She's young and one of those people who is extremely healthy. I mean she uses her Vitamix every day. One would hope getting your boobs chopped off would be enough. I don't have any more details but will be thinking about her and hoping chemo goes quickly for her. She is very strong and I know she'll be ok. This is one of those big picture moments. In a year, she can look back and finally exhale.