stuff

I've been doing a lot of activity lately, just normal stuff but I'm sore. I didn't know it would cause so much stiffness. Under my expanders, around my ribs and under my arms. Weird. I did some Wii fit with the kids and have been hiking or walking with Fletcher. Sleeping still sucks and I just want to cry when I roll over. Still not a big deal, relatively speaking. Just noting. I wonder if the muscle soreness is something akin to regular muscle soreness when you start working out? Rather than muscle soreness because I'm recovering from surgery? I think the former, but it's different because it's sore in a different place than usual? I guess it's muscles that are used in a normal life, and are not used to being out of commission. Oh well.

Looking forward to 2010, my real new beginning and totally jealous (and happy for) E and her upcoming real implants! She's going to be hot (well, hotter)!

Can I just say.....

that sleeping is a bitch. I'm really good during the day, but as soon as I lay down, I feel the pressure and don't even get me started with the trying to roll on my side pain. It feels like commercial grade staples are keeping these damn expanders in place and they are getting pulled and ripped at when I roll over. The other night Corey stole the covers and they scraped across my chest and pulled my breasts with it and I screamed out in pain.

Just had to vent! Otherwise, things are great. Lost a couple of pounds after religiously counting my calories the last couple of days.

Back to Life

So, I took my brick-boobs for a run. Actually it was a walk that turned into a little bit of a run here and there. I figured if Kelly was running again, then so could I. There was nothing fluid or athletic about it, more like a toddler in wading boots stomping down the sidewalk. The boobs remained still while the rest of me fought to find my rhythm, but only got a "oh-ow-ooh-ow" with every step. I managed to crank out maybe a quarter of a mile and then a mile (in bits and pieces) within a three mile walk. As sad as my performance was, it felt good to get out again. I am frustrated though at the thought of getting it back, losing these stupid pounds, only to be benched again in March. I hope that at least in March the easier recovery will help me stay fit, even if I'm not allowed to run for 8 weeks. Plus, the extra temptation of Christmas treats won't be a problem.

I saw my PS on Thursday. I told her I was good with the size and she looked at me up and down trying to figure out why just 240cc's looked like more. We finally came to the conclusion that the expanders are really filling up straight out, and not filling the sides so well and thus we went up to 300cc's. There is a big valley between the boobs that will need to be filled in, so in the final product, they won't be so pointy. They're totally cubical now, and lopsided, and since they have filled straight out, I feel REALLY BIG. I do need to get fit before March so when they're trying on boobs in the operating room, they'll fit them to the right body.

Nothing else to report. Just reclaiming my life little by little.

"when"

After my last fill, I think I'm ready to say "when". I am pleased with the size and have tried on clothes and bathing suits to try on my new look. I really like it. A little bigger than before, but still seems to fit me. We'll see if the PS agrees this Thursday.

I exercised for the first time on Sunday. I took my 70 pound Fletcher to the dog park. We walked around 5 acres and threw the ball with the chunk'r. I had a hard time using my arm to its full potential, but I managed. We then went for a 1.5 mile hike. It was so incredibly windy and cold, but we made it anyway. I was bound and determined to get some exercise. This is the week I take back my life and it starts here. I was a bit sore after being pulled by an eager partner for the entire hike, but it was ok. My legs are tight today, the kind of tight like the day after a good run. It felt great to feel that again. So good to have something besides my chest sore. I think I will be able to run with expanders in, but still giving it until after Christmas.

Taking back my life also means that I cleaned my own house, plan on dusting off the Wii fit and getting back into routine. I had to do it little by little. There's been more than one day I've sent Dylan to school without his lunch, or homework. It's a lot to take back. I also want to get back to my regular life blog. It's time for my life to be about more than surgery and recovery. So with that I say "when". I'm ready to move on.

Strange things are happening....

OK, why is it that I feel the need to grope my breasts whenever I talk to someone. Well, grope is a strong word since I can't really stand the feeling, but I definitely cup them. My parents were over this morning and commented that I looked good. I immediately cup my breasts while explaining that I'm going in for a fill later today. Or at Corey's office party, if I talk about my ordeal, I cup my breasts while explaining how big they'll be. Pretty sure I've done it at work too when my boss asks how I'm feeling. What is up with that? People must think I'm a freak. I would never have done this pre-procedure. Ok, maybe once, while drinking heavily at the bar while trying to explain to my girlfriends how fabulous my right breast was and was going to be sad to lose it. I must mentally behave and put a stop to this behavior. Kind of funny, but not very lady like.

On another note, I picked up and held my 30 pound daughter yesterday for the first time in 4 weeks. I figured it's been 4 weeks, so I'm allowed to right? I can't tell you how good it felt. She was entirely giddy too and later kept saying "Do you want to pick me up again mama?" That alone will carry me through the week.

I don't attempt picking up my 50 pound son yet. He likes to sleep in our bed and we move him later when we retire. I've had to wake him and walk him to his room. It's hilarious and he's so out of it as he slaps at my face, mumbles nonsense and basically walks slumped over like a cross between The Humpback of Notre Dame and Frankenstein. I really must video this some time.

I'm grateful for still feeling good. I guess you can never feel "good" with these damn expanders, but let's just say better and tolerable.

Week four!

Two days until I'm officially 4 weeks out. This is a magic date, right? Feeling pretty darn normal, minus some tightness and soreness by the end of the day. There have been a couple of days with no meds, some days with only Advil, and still the occasional good stuff. I wrapped a bunch of presents yesterday and by 7:00pm, I couldn't find a comfortable position to sit, so I dipped into the valium. Ahhh.

On the weight front, it looks like I've officially gained 4 pounds. Not too bad and many people would say 4 pounds is nothing, but when you're only 5'1", it makes a huge difference. Not to mention that whatever muscle tone I had is gone, or in hiding. I actually started the calorie counting again today and it felt good. One more normal in this whirlwind. Tomorrow, I plan to walk on the treadmill while my daughter does ballet. I never thought I would look so forward to exercise! I can't wait to run again, although honestly, don't know if it will happen with the expanders. They're just so darn heavy and stiff. I'm not allowed to run until January, so we'll just have to see then.

The meals are done. This is of course good news/bad news. It marks the week where I am supposed to be back to capable, but since I don't cook anyway, therein lies the bad news. I am eternally grateful for all the meals. What a nice thing to do for someone.

One thing that has changed about me, hopefully forever, is that I pledge to be a more thoughtful and giving person. All of the little (and big) things people have done for me, and the ways people have come through for my family is overwhelming. I will never again slight someone on a card, a meal, a small gift. I was always "too busy" and felt they wouldn't notice, or didn't need it anyway. But never again. I love this. I've given so much to charity this year and it feels good. I wanted a chair at Target. I spent the money instead on women in Africa so that they may have a safe delivery of their baby, or so that they can learn a trade to support their family. I think I've always been a giving person, but more in thought than in deed and am learning to follow through.

same

Thankfully, this feeling good stuff has continued. No meds of any kind yesterday and so far none today. I'm still tired and stiff, but feeling better by the minute!

I have a date with my husband tonight. The kids are staying with my sister and Corey and I are headed downtown for his office holiday party. It should be fun, but it's sad that the prospect of free food and drinks and adult conversation is trumped by thoughts of laying around on the couch in my pajamas, drink in hand, watching a movie with my husband. I'll blame the surgery, not my age :) It will be fun, just need to muster up the energy to get there.

Starting to like my boobs. They look awfully perky in clothes and I'm keeping close watch on the size so I know when to say "when". Unfortunately, my belly is trying to keep up and it's hard to get perspective.

I'm thankful that things are uneventful these past few days. Looking forward to my next 2 fills which will hopefully be my last. I still feel like they stapled my plastic boobs to my ribs, but that's mostly in the morning, then things calm down and I'm able to function.

FINALLY, feeling better

The absence of pain can make normalcy extraordinary. That's how I feel today. Really good and dare I say almost normal? Besides feeling like I'm wearing an ill-fitting underwire bra, all over pretty good. It was painful getting up today, but it usually is, you know the bricks between my ribs and and skin feeling? Took some Advil and am now at work, first time back. I'm not going to push it. I don't want to scare the good feeling away by overdoing it so maybe just a few hours...

Turns out I didn't have a seroma. It was just the expander on that side was a little lower and filling up unevenly. Whew! The pain on my other side was from where the expander was tethered, or so she kept saying. The fill yesterday seemed to have helped that a bit. 80cc's yesterday. Last night was pretty uncomfortable, and yes, I drugged up. I won't have much longer before I can't legally drug up. Not afraid to admit that I like my percocet. We've become quite close although I know this affair is fleeting.

Looking forward to some sort of physical activity next week and can already feel more able to function.