I made it. It hurts. The pain is so immense and nothing anyone can prepare you for. Here's a quick breakdown of my journey.
The morning of the surgery I was incredibly pissy, crabby, grumpy, depressed. I would have wished for sad. Sad I get. Sad has a tangibility to it, depression does not. The radioactive junk they put into my breast to check my lymphnodes did not hurt. Thought that may be an indication of how well I handle pain. Not so much. Many many talks from nurses, doctors, anesthesiologists etc. They each make you say out loud what you're having done. By the last guy, it was like password and he'd say "and today we're doing..." and wait for me to answer "and on the left side she's going to..."
Then into the operating room My gown was on backward so I had to switch to a new one "a bit on the naked side" says my PS. That's the last thing I remember. Woke up in recovery crying. The pain, oh my God, the pain. It felt like someone parked at semi truck on my ribs. Couldn't get a deep breath. Then I was told us use my pain pump. Ahh, a little better. Slept well and used my pain pump about every 1-2 hours although they said I could use it every 10 minutes. The next day they took away my pump and started the percocet. I have never taken more than 1 at a time before but quickly learned 1 was not enough. I am now on 2 every 4 hours along with valium as allowed. Much much better. I have a stupid incredibly tight bra on which will remain on for a week. They had to remove extra skin and so there is no saline in my expanders yet. No biggie, just a longer pump up time. I sleep a lot. A lot. I've been in tears over the pain a few times but have learned to stay on the percocet. My wonderful husband has it all planned out. With all these meds, you have to have a plan. I have 6 bouquets of flowers. So beautiful and reminds me I'm loved. I love love love nurses. I can't say enough. What a selfless job.
Falling asleep now... Hope I didn't scare you Kelly, http://kellyinmotion.blogspot.com.
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THANK YOU so much for taking the time to write. I can't imaging how you did it! You've got to be too sore to even move your arms!
ReplyDeleteI am scared. Very scared. And I can't stop re-thinking everything. It just seems so middle-ages to cut off body parts. I'm not nearly as "at peace" with the decision as you are.
I am scared of the pain, of the depression, of feeling like I've lost myself, of meds, of crying all the time and scaring my kids, of making such a radical decision that is totally unnecessary. I'm scared of everything.
I'm giving my husband my password to write in the blog after surgery. I can't imagine I'll be able to get to it as quickly as you did. You really are amazing. Keep up the fight!
Kelly, you CAN do this. You are a fighter. The pain is unimaginable, but under the right meds, it's actually able to be comfortable. For now, my physical pain has taken over any emotional pain. It will be ok Kelly, I promise.
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