Thursday, November 5, 2009
stopped running
So, I've stopped running. Not intentionally necessarily, but stopped nonetheless. I felt weeks ago that I wanted to stop because what's the point? I mean really, I have to stop for the next 2 months anyway, so what's a few more weeks. I have to start over again in January, no matter how fast I plow through a 3 miler, or if I run a 10. Mentally, it's one less thing on my plate. I ran last week, not a ton, but 3 days worth. Mostly for my calorie counts since we all know breaking any speed records is moot. This week turned out to be way too crazy and I can barely handle the chaos that has settled into my house. We have a lovely foster dog. I love love love her, but chaos prevails and can't figure out, or don't have the energy to figure out, how to run with one dog, while leaving the other home. Sure, sounds easy enough, but this week everything is harder. I seem so with it, so positive, but it's taking its toll in little ways. I cry at anything. I am more frustrated with things. I am so overly stressed about the littlest things and my list making is helping only a little as it grows and grows. So much to do before Wednesday. I know I'm in denial. I am scared for the moment I wake from surgery and say "What the FUCK!" Or for the moment weeks later when it hits. Oh God, I don't know if I can handle this. Please help me through.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I totally understand your "what's the point" in running comment. I was feeling that way too. I always had trouble with motivation so this was the perfect reason to stop. But at the time I found another "point" for me. It was helping me not be so stressed, I think. And gave me some control over something. And running time was time only for me.
ReplyDeleteI haven't run in the past couple days either. I'm not sure if I'll stop until my surgery on Nov 23 or if I'll pick it back up in a few days when my injuries improve. I guess it just depends on what I need and how much time I can find. Like you, I know there is no need to keep up a base.
You sound like a much better runner than I am, so you have speed and such to worry about too. I'm just plodding along regardless. However, I certainly can see a decline with just 2 weeks off, so two months will be much different, I'm sure.
I also cry at about anything right now. And I overreacted at work yesterday - which I had to deal with today. I hope the people around you cut you some slack for what you say and do right now. You certainly deserve some compassion. I hope you feeling it coming from me.
What's the deal about a foster dog?! Isn't it a little crazy to take on a foster dog with all you have going on?! LOL
I'm also having visions of how I'll react after surgery. I've done some reading and learned that women are most often horrified at the result of a mastectomy. Oh yea. That's just what we need - more horrific thoughts. But I think it's better to be prepped for it than to be taken by surprise. Give yourself permission to react poorly. Warn your loved ones that you expect to react poorly initially and then to be emotional for quite a while. They will help you.
I suppose everyone is telling you that it will be okay. And we know it will. However, I can't help but to say back "it will never be ok again." But I know it will. We'll eventually get used to it and our new breasts will become a part of us and we'll just go on with life. That's what it's all about anyway. That's why we are choosing to do this. To get on with life.